I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
