the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
