and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
