It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
