It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
