we have pet lesbian snakes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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