Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have fence marks all over my body
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
