I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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