I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize