just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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