maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize