You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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