She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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