I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's like iHOP with fire
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
