i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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