he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
