i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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