So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
