..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
God, I missed his penis.
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