Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
