this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
