Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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