I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
