My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
