i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Holy shit dude........stairs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
