Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
