We're facebook friends in real life
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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