you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
