yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
