Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
