as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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