did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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