you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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