Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
