Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
