my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
