Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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