after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
