If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
