I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
