were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
