don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
