how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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