Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
