the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
