this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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