Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
