Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
