A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
