i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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