oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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