So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
