i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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