I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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