I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am one with the molecules
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
