I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
