More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize