I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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