i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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