I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
