He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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