How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
