I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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