Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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