I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
