this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize