I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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